Here’s my short collection of boat, fishing, sailing, and other nautical related jokes. It’s my website, so I want to make it a bit more wacky.
Enjoy the boat jokes!
A few short ones to start
- What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing. It just waved.
- Why do clams never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish!
- Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea? Because they dropped out of school.
- What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the dock.
Troller jokes suggested by Ian Seward, commercial fisherman from Alaska (past client, Premium 15)
- Q: What’s the difference between a troller and a pizza?
- A: A pizza can feed a family of four…
- Q: What’s the difference between a troller and a trawler?
- A: A trawler is a rich man who feeds poor people…
Two sailors talking
- First sailor: “I hear fish is good brain food.”
- Second sailor: “Yeah, I eat it all the time.”
- First sailor: “Well, there goes another theory!”
Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world.
Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain’s quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.
For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain’s body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains’ quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and… The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:
Port = Left
Starboard = Right
My Client Names
I always try to remember each client and transaction, but here’s one reason why it could be difficult. It’s not my fault, I promise! Here are the numbers of some common client names in approximately 2 years:
- Michael: 15
- James: 15
- Mark: 11
- Richard: 10
- Dan: 10
- Chris: 9
- Bill: 9
- Don: 8
- Doug: 8
- Jason: 8
- Ian: 7
- Brian: 7
- Ivan: 0
Now this data is not exact, but I can fully attest that not a single Ivan has purchased a system from this Ivan in the last 8 years. It’s like a curse, I tell you.
Do you have any favorite boat jokes you’d like me to consider adding to this list? I’m open to suggestions, so please contact me.